My grandfather died earlier today.

On the first day of my spring semester of college.

First I was a sobbing mess but guywithgirlfriend managed to make me feel loads better.

But now I feel numb.
I have no fucking clue what tomorrows gonna be like. I was very close with my grandfather.

All I want is to drink and smoke weed and cigarettes and cut and starve and fuck and destroy myself so my body looks as withered away as my mind feels.